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As I was giving my morning chorus, I found a peculiar white sheet of what the hairless cats call paper. There was something on it that resembled writing so I had it translated. This is what it contained:

Dear Somnos,

I have taken care of you now for the past thirteen years. It has not been an easy task but one that I have taken on with much love and care. When you were diagnosed almost a year ago with diabetes, I was heartbroken. I discussed my options with your doctor and decided to modify your diet rather than put you through injections twice a day. Shortly after your diagnosis, we moved to a new house.

I was pleasantly surprised by how well you did in the long car ride that spanned 2 days but things changed when we got to our new home. In the past, you would grace us with your songs in the spring. I always figured this was due to typical mating times. Now, you have become quite loud and regular with your meows. While I didn't mind in the past, I am now getting quite put off by them. I am asking nicely for you to abide by certain rules of the house, just like the rest of us do.

1. Please do not meow loudly between the hours of 1 am and 6 am.

2. If you have to let out some noise, keep it to one occurrence in a 24 hour period. This yowling 5-6 times a day for 5 or more minutes is not necessary.

3. I will be sure you have water, food, and a clean toilet before I retire for the day. In return, please keep your litter confined to your bathroom and not strewn about the entire house.

4. If you need something in the middle of the night, please let me know. However, laying on my head is not the way to go about getting your point across.

5. Please bathe yourself more often. You look a bit on the "crazy cat" side.

Thanks!

Your loving mother

I sat and let this sink in for a good 10 seconds. Then I had to take a nap since thinking is exhausting. Once I woke up, I did what any cat would do in this situation. I ate the paper then left my loving mother a nice smelly present in my box, followed by a chorus lasting nearly 10 minutes this time.

Damn it's good to be a cat.